Crazy Journal /Part 2
Radiation begins / 42 Days of Chemo
My Radiation will begin at 4 pm today.
For some reason this emotively feels like a new beginning again... weird I know. It's a tough beginning, but a redefining moment. Not just radiation or chemo, but a new process seeking health, transformation, a restart from the disease to whole again. It's a new or at least a deeper conversation with God for me. One where I learn to trust even more.
Sunday I was able to communicate to my church/congregation in person. With the next step being radiation and chemo Michelle and I wanted it to be personal.
In the beginning of my process with the mass in my mind I compared the moment to Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in scripture. This is a classic and well known story in the book of Daniel. These young men were thrown in a furnace to be persecuted and killed by the king of the day Nebuchednezzar. I compared this moment for them where they come out of the furnace alive beating all the odds in the situation. My hope is still the same... transformation in the middle of odds which should declare differently in someones life.
There are other stories we think of now. I remain not feeling as a victim or as if I'm being judged. It's a part of life that is messy, yet still in the hands of God regardless of the outcomes. I believe in standing and walking forward towards transformation. My family believes in working hard, receiving help from others, and continuing to love life even when parts of it are hard. At the end of my sharing on Sunday I challenged this way. For us to see life together, and whatever crisis or hardship you are facing... face it. See the details, talk with God, make choices which change and transform things. Let us face life not as victims, but as those woven in together for a greater future.
As you pray for us, know we are also praying for you.
God's speed
Day 2
I’m already being reminded of two steps or lessons toward steps in this process of my treatment (radiation day 2 and chemo day 1). In a little bit I will share the experience of Day 1, but first let me share one of those lessons today.
Reminder from Psalm 37:7
Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act.
Lesson: We don’t always leap (all though there are moments we are charged to), we are meant to be still in moments and allow God to act.
My radiation requires a mask I wear. It is an individualized mask formed and shaped to my head. Then it is latched to the table itself where I receive both a cat scan to review my mind and then radiation treatment to destroy the tumor of cancer which is spread out in fun pieces.
The mask is all about keeping me still. This is the point… by being still for the work of my team (I have the same team all 6.5 weeks). By remaining still the radiation can have more impact, be accurate, and be a part of transforming my mind back to it’s healthy state.
I had my team show me their strategy after the first session. The reason: I find myself very involved and just a bit more than curious with each step, it is my brain!
In the middle of all of those steps I find myself learning to “be still” again. Being still in the presence of the Lord is an art form in many ways, and like any moment of art when we don’t practice or participate we don’t learn or grow.
It’s also what we learn to be still in. The calling is to be still in God’s presence and learn patience. When you sense God in the process of your life you can make the assumption that action will take place right now. It is God right! Many times it is not yet action, but instead our chance to learn… patiently… intently. It is this process in which we learn to “trust God” over and over again.
So here is a path.
Be still… (stop arguing, complaining, and creating noise)
In God’s presence… (learn His presence, voice, and touch)
Wait patiently… (seriously, learn to wait and trust)
Let Him act. (some moments in life we act, step, create. Other moments we allow God to act, and we trust Him in the process)
Day 2 Part 2
Reminder, I will always be honest as we take these steps. Yes I am positive, trust God, and want to encourage all I can. This said, the process is not an easy one, and I don’t want to hold back.
In brief…
In truth, the radiation was harder than I expected it yesterday. It left me with a heaviness and weight in my mind afterwards.
During the treatment I could see the light coming through my eyes (as they were closed) and also had my nose generate smells during as well (not a good smell).
In reading online I had seen some treatments for people be reacted to with low response as if they didn’t feel anything. The placement and size of the area makes a difference clearly.
This all being said, I am glad treatment one is done and want to keep pressing in today.
Day 3
I don’t know I will do this every day, here is a moment of growth. Later on I will fill in details on how things are.
Today I am reminded about “what makes us rich?”
My process and disease has reminded me what is valuable. As much as I love being productive, helping others, and impacting the world, this is not what draws my attention most in this moment.
What I believe is my life most, is my wife Michelle and my kids first who draw me and show me I’m rich. There are secondary and third pieces as well which are other close family and moments who also define this richness, but the overall shift in how we see is defined by what we view as valuable and life changing.
Today is Michelle’s birthday. And I am encouraged and blessed to celebrate with her and say thank you for the women she is. This moment makes me consider a question.
Question: What is most valuable to you right now?
If married, how are you investing and speaking life and love into them…
If kids, how are you encouraging and strengthening them…
If close family (in whatever form), how are you being a help and igniting their life forward…
If close friends, how are you choosing to build up rather than expect something from them…
Challenge: As a young man I remember the challenge to consider looking for a spouse differently. Rather than hunt with a list (on my wife’s list was tall and dark haired which is hilarious, good thing she loves me), a list you have created from all the desires and wants for your spouse, instead turn you pointing finger for shopping back on yourself. Let me place it this way…
Rather than worrying about what your spouse will give to you (I want), focus or consider on what they will receive in you (read this line again, it’s worth it).
Whatever stage of life or haves and don’t haves exist for you, check your value today and reconsider how you focus. Remind yourself what is rich. My moment in life right now has caused me to do so, and I thank God for it.
Happy Birthday Michelle, let’s celebrate God’s richness!
Ten % : Week One / 4 Days Down
Well, I’m half way through my weekend already and it’s been a few days since I’ve posted. Since Tuesday, this is the completion of 4 days of radiation and chemo. As a friend of mine said, it is an equal mark of 10% toward the whole.
Treatment overall is 33 days of radiation (M-F each week) while taking chemo every day (including the weekend). So with 10% completed there is… a lot of days left (wipe brow here and take a deep breath).
Overall I am well. Details here and there we work through and this is a part of helping us in moving forward. We will be at church tomorrow, and will keep moving forward on Monday. I am looking for motivation and energy in the midst of this process for moving on certain projects and speaking. Having some of these takes my attention and empowers me along the way.
A part of what helped me today was extra time with my family. Jacob played his second football game this season and is playing both sides on his team. Amanda improved her time for cross-country by a minute and 12 seconds from her first meet placing her score around fifteen minute 50 second. Last year she got it down to 15.27. Then we all hung out to watch a movie together.
There are times / projects / and jobs in life that require looking well down the road for planning and training. There are other times in life we simply life a day at a time and survive the moment. If I can keep my focus on the daily then we can fight the overwhelmed. Then we needed we step back to look at the longer journey ahead. Consider which moment you are in… daily or long term right now? Then make an adjustment as I am trying to. God’s speed.
Week 2 / Monday
So week two begins… a lesson I have learned, while the chemo does impact me the combination with radiation makes a fun combo.
Today I had started to regain energy and strength and then it was time for radiation. When my techs asked how my weekend was, “It was great, because I didn’t have radiation.” I did say this with a grin, and they understood exactly what I meant.
Truth. I didn’t want to take the chemo today. I didn’t want radiation to happen. BUT, I reminded myself a hard period of time occurs now but a longer term of health is then possible.
I also had a reminder a few weeks ago from Thessalonians 3:10
[Even while we were with you, we gave you this command: “Those unwilling to work will not get to eat.”]
My reminded lesson: Work hard, play hard, move forward.
Treatment today was more discipline… a step to get another day done. Willingness was not found in what I wanted to do, it was found in following through with it. Couldn’t be much cheesier than the right thing at the right time for right reasons.
So whatever you have going on remember the T3:10 rule, don’t get trapped unwilling to do what you should. Even if your emotive state or inner workings want to run, if what you are meant to do is as cheesy as mine, take the step.
Week 2 / Thursday
I’m at 8 days of radiation – Done.
9 days of chemo – Done.
Week two has been somewhat better the first three days of it. I had more energy than week one, down moments for sure but also strength in how I feel with more up moments at times.
Then Thursday… the radiation builds throughout the week, and builds week to week. So I need prayer for recovery this weekend. And Prayer for the future weeks ahead as all of Thursday has been blah as far as my body goes and this week builds in treatment.
Others things build too… like a wave. I have found life to be this way. Our decisions (like a surfer) put us in place for a wave, helps us get on the shoulder (this is the curve of the wave), and we can ride it until the wave is done (where you pick up your board, throw you hair back, and look amazing). BUT as these pieces are our choice, it is God’s will and power which creates the wave we are riding. We can’t force wave creation (unlike your pool wave creation where you and friends jump up and down until waves are kicking out of the pool), we can only ride the waves when they come.
SO, I look at the radiation and chemo build with focus. I take it daily as best I can. And remember the point of this wave… destroy the cancer cells and give future to me. I’m on that shoulder and will ride it for all God builds it to be. God has this! God has me.
We make choices which create our life… Yes.
Waves are created by God which empower our choices by His leading… Yes.
So what choices do you need to make to prepare, be ready (training), and follow through? AND what choices/details do you need to give back to God, and let Him build the wave? Believe me, trying to create a wave in an ocean just makes us look foolish (and we get a sunburn).
God’s speed everyone!
Trust God and make choices which move you forward.
Week 3 / Wednesday
After today’s treatment I am 1/3 of the way through all 33 days of radiation. It’s important to celebrate when you can so… yah!
We continue to take things a day at a time, but focus on living life forward. As hard as this moment might be, life is not frozen (especially in the 90’s, whew), and there comes a point where new season has to come and we press in to life.
How can we do this? Here is one…
This was not a surprise for me, but something I’ve noted. When I get into conversation with others about things that are important (wife with kids, pastors about church, or a business professional about work), no matter how tired or bad I feel I find a boost toward health. Working with others toward common good, fixing problems, and empowering people… empowers me. This is one of the tools I’m finding for life, even in the midst of crisis and messiness we must choose to breath life into the people and the work around us.
In the messiness of your life, take time to enjoy your work and help others. Look to be a help to those personally around you. Gain insight and energy from helping family sort through problems. In the midst of this we find purpose, joy, and peace even when our lives have turmoil around it.
Don’t try and simply complete each day and check off all the things on your list of to do’s. Be blessed in the midst of your messes, and help others learn to do the same.
Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Romans 8:38-39 “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Mathew 28:20 “Teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
Week 3/ Saturday
Reality Check and Some Therapy.
Two important moments for me the past few days.
Reality check was having hair all along the side of my head where I'm having radiation treatment instantly (how it felt to me) start falling out.
I've been so fortunate regarding side effects between my chemo (which is a lower grade in pill form) and the radiation. The combo of the two have similar side effects. I've been strong through them, but still very impacted.
To wake up... and hair loss not only possible, but happening with force... was my reality check. Reality: this treatment is happening, this treatment is not kind, but I trust the process which is pulling life from me right now in the short term, as a trade for giving life in the long term. I'll come back to process in a moment, but for me it was emotional and became a conversation with God about trusting Him and needing strength from Him to walk it out. OH, and I needed a haircut as the radiation version was not a good one. So thanks to Joy Lunn for her help today with a haircut. Michelle Rumley was very grateful for the hair makeover. Ha. If you want to see results you can be at our church tomorrow for inspection... LOL.
Two last things to mention.
First is a thanks to God for great therapy this weekend. My daughter Amanda got her lowest cross country run this season, and my son Jacob did so well in football, Michelle and I both were so proud. Both these moments were great therapy for me. Now let me tie the two moments together and hopefully encourage.
My kids are learning the PROCESS of TRAINING in how sports and life work. I'll be honest... they are not flashy individuals (of course they have moments I think are flashy so I cheer). BUT they are consistent, focused (usually), and learning, improving, and becoming stronger each year.
Example: Jake has been one of the captains of his team for the past two weeks. This has occurred because of his heart, focus, and intention more than flash. As a 7th grader I wanted him to simply get a taste for the sport, and fundamentals of what it takes to play. I think it's breaking through this year and it gives Michelle and I both encouragement in a time when we need it.
I find God to be more PROCESS when we keep asking for MOMENTS or miracles (flash). God wants to TRAIN us (called discipleship) when we just want someone to fix the stuff around us we don't like. It would be like wanting to play in the NFL but never actually training to play well. Training takes time... and when you start anything, you stink at it. Over time this changes and we find endurance and hope in our actions.
Question for all of us (a reality check maybe).
What if you embraced training and prep / reading God's word / acting upon what it states to do / live it out and learn the processes of God? What if we looked to simply live life well, healthy, and be a help to others when possible... what might life look like? Remember, it's hard at first and you may stink at it. Just don't give up and make sure to keep moving forward.
Romans 5: 3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. (NLT)
Reality Check and Some Therapy.
Two important moments for me the past few days.
Reality check was having hair all along the side of my head where I'm having radiation treatment instantly (how it felt to me) start falling out.
I've been so fortunate regarding side effects between my chemo (which is a lower grade in pill form) and the radiation. The combo of the two have similar side effects. I've been strong through them, but still very impacted.
To wake up... and hair loss not only possible, but happening with force... was my reality check. Reality: this treatment is happening, this treatment is not kind, but I trust the process which is pulling life from me right now in the short term, as a trade for giving life in the long term. I'll come back to process in a moment, but for me it was emotional and became a conversation with God about trusting Him and needing strength from Him to walk it out. OH, and I needed a haircut as the radiation version was not a good one. So thanks to Joy Lunn for her help today with a haircut. Michelle Rumley was very grateful for the hair makeover. Ha. If you want to see results you can be at our church tomorrow for inspection... LOL.
Two last things to mention.
First is a thanks to God for great therapy this weekend. My daughter Amanda got her lowest cross country run this season, and my son Jacob did so well in football, Michelle and I both were so proud. Both these moments were great therapy for me. Now let me tie the two moments together and hopefully encourage.
My kids are learning the PROCESS of TRAINING in how sports and life work. I'll be honest... they are not flashy individuals (of course they have moments I think are flashy so I cheer). BUT they are consistent, focused (usually), and learning, improving, and becoming stronger each year.
Example: Jake has been one of the captains of his team for the past two weeks. This has occurred because of his heart, focus, and intention more than flash. As a 7th grader I wanted him to simply get a taste for the sport, and fundamentals of what it takes to play. I think it's breaking through this year and it gives Michelle and I both encouragement in a time when we need it.
I find God to be more PROCESS when we keep asking for MOMENTS or miracles (flash). God wants to TRAIN us (called discipleship) when we just want someone to fix the stuff around us we don't like. It would be like wanting to play in the NFL but never actually training to play well. Training takes time... and when you start anything, you stink at it. Over time this changes and we find endurance and hope in our actions.
Question for all of us (a reality check maybe).
What if you embraced training and prep / reading God's word / acting upon what it states to do / live it out and learn the processes of God? What if we looked to simply live life well, healthy, and be a help to others when possible... what might life look like? Remember, it's hard at first and you may stink at it. Just don't give up and make sure to keep moving forward.
Romans 5: 3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. (NLT)
Week 4 / Wednesday
What we declare matters.
I want to be clear on this statement. I am typically wired more positive, but as a realist. I am able to dream, embrace dreams, but also speak truth into those moments. My heart is always to speak truth in such a way that the dream becomes more possible, even in some small way.
This is a moment of declaration. What we speak into a moment, whether our self or someone else, is a part of what helps us create our future. This being said it’s important for us to not make this process foolish. We are built to hold on to and help create HOPE in the health of our lives; BUT we also TRUST God regardless of outcomes.
Far to often we base trust or truth of God on outcomes or “getting what we want”. Where in scripture do we see this truth? All but one of the disciples are martyred, Job (that story is crazy and enough said), Joseph almost killed (by family) and spends time in a foreign prison (did not have room service), and many more stories where what they experience does not always make sense in the moment. When we look at the whole story honestly we learn the lesson they did (hopefully), we learn to trust regardless of outcome. We hold on to Him regardless because we believe by faith. Like Shadrach and his friends staring at the furnace meant to kill them, they hold on to God regardless of what is to come.
All this declaration conversation and challenge is a lead in to describe my families moment now. We are learning this moment of declaring and finding faith again. My journey through treatment (so far 15 days of radiation done, and 18 days of chemo) is a bit of a roller coaster. There are times I have more energy and feel better than I should (Sunday AM this happened to me) that I know is simply God. There are other moments the weight and feel of all of it sets in (that’s a fun moment). But in all of it I hope to remain in the WISDOM of the stories I mentioned above.
We don’t always understand God or the process, but we trust and declare by faith all the more. We don’t always have the results we might want, but we trust and declare by faith all the more. We keep our belief genuine and even continue the HONEST conversation with God and others, while we trust and declare by faith all the more.
First a question, and then a declaration.
Question: Are you so consumed by outcomes that you might have or are walking away from God? Has collision with life made you a victim, rather than shaking it off and learning to overcome (power not in you, but in partnering with God regardless of outcomes)? Take a step and declare by faith the FUTURE God will lead you to and walk you through.
Declaration: Trust and Declare with Faith.
Psalms 23:
1The lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid?
The lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?
2When evil people come to devour me,
when my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
3Though a mighty army surrounds me,
my heart will not be afraid.
Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident.
Week 4 and 5/ overwhelmed and inspired
When are you overwhelmed? What happens to bring you to a place so bad you post omg many times on twitter and texts?
We (the Rumley’s) found one of those locations or times that deserves the “oh my gosh” declaration.
Here’s how. We already have my current normal treatment trend for the brain cancer. My radiation component requires three hours of each day. I promise, it’s fun.
We also had an unusual day this week. Michelle traveled up to Wisconsin to be with her family during a sentencing trial for the woman who murdered Michelle’s brother. No really, just over a year ago her brother was murdered in a crazy situation. So far for the week: radiation and chemo treatment, trial for murder.
Sunday of this week our family cat, Gato (yes, Spanish word for cat, Gato… we are intercultural for sure) got sick. We assumed he would eventually get past it even though he kept puking. Wednesday we took him to an amazing veterinarian. Even after great care, Gato passed away Thursday night of last week. Yep, it happened. So with my wife in Wisconsin and I’m in Chicago that day, I’m face timing my kids to talk through the loss of Gato. A moment to learn to be honest with emotion, open to discussion, and always talk with God in a time of loss. Check List so far for the week: radiation and chemo treatment, trial for murder, family cat’s passing, talking with the kids.
Next (Yep, one more) our dog Biscuit had an incident. Let outside to go to the bathroom as normal on Wednesday night (Michelle was leaving 4 AM the next morning). When let back in there was a boom… “oh my word, what is that?!” Biscuit had been sprayed twice by a skunk. No lie. SKUNK. Michelle and Hannah the only ones home with other two at youth group and me in Chicago. She calls me. I look up on google and we find a concoction of baking soda, and two other ingredients I can’t remember. I find out tomato sauce does not work, but this concoction does. Michelle makes the concoction and her and Hannah wash the dog multiple times. FYI, I find out not to keep any concoction that’s left over when done. Left alone the concoction becomes explosive (#boom). So far for the week: radiation and chemo treatment, trial for murder, family cat’s passing, talking with the family about loss, dog that smells like the skunk (not a good smell we promise).
A week we can call overwhelmed. #OMG
But another OMG is worth being said.
The day I had to tell my kids about the loss I had a moment of fretful tears. I was saying to God, “In the middle of everything going on we would add this… really!” Then my kids responded in amazing way to the loss of Gato. It was amazing watching strength and grace in them. On Saturday night we had a small funeral at Pam Onneals Farm, a hard moment, but closure for our kids. #Grace #AmazingKids #helpingFriends
When someone has done wrong against your family, what do you do? My wife’s family responded so Godly in an incredibly hard moment many were amazed. They received compliments even from the judge on how their response in the courtroom (they spoke at one point) showed they were genuinely Christian not just word of mouth. And I have always seen this in them as a family. #Grace #Genuine #LovetheSoellers
And our dog… Don’t worry, he has short term memory. I don’t think he even remembers the smelling event. And he has been washed so many times, he’s never smelled so good. #cleanpuppy #skunksStink
Lastly. My chemo and radiation is still in process. This post is from last week, but I am currently in Week 5 of everyday chemo and M-F radiation. Truth – I still have moments where I have more energy than I should. Even one of my nurses said today, “I have no reason for you to have the amount of energy you have.” The only reason I have is the GRACE of God. Now I still have hard moments, low moments like swelling of skin outside my head, and a shaved haircut for 7 months, and constipation because of certain medication (whoah, just got serious). While I have no endurance at the moment, I thank God for how good I feel.
Let’s quickly apply to all of us.
There will be moments when life is overwhelming (#OMG).
But remember it’s generally temporary (maybe even years, but no forever). Keep your heart, mind, and spirit moving forward and respond with #Grace given by God. If a skunk is involved, many baths required (#NoMoreStink). If you’re in crisis; hold on to God, think of your future, take it a day/moment at a time. You will have dark moments (normal), but live from the hope and possibility ahead (#believe). Live wanting every day to be healthy, no more victim status my friends. (said from a guy with brain cancer, don’t worry you can become positive too).
Week 7 / Measured
One evening in Chicago, we are staying at a location gifted to us by an amazing church (Maranatha Chapel, Pastor Doug Banks), and Michelle has an interesting moment (insert intentional grin here).
Michelle by nature, personality, training, and background is a MEASURED person. Seriously, don’t underestimate it, she has made our family ready and organized in amazing ways.
She goes through her nightly routine of setting up her coffee pot for the next morning (very important moment of routine is morning coffee). The only problem, catch your breath; there is no measuring cup. YES, seriously, nothing to measure the coffee. Some of you understand right now; you too would be frustrated, astonished, maybe even complain! But instead of hearing a voice that is compassionate and understanding, she gets the other personality of our amazing marriage, ME.
I have very organized parts of my life, but also have a clear FREE FLOW side. The following conversation occurs…
Me: “Babe, simply get it close. Put what looks like the right amount in. AND if it’s not good in the morning, then make adjustments until you feel its perfect.”
Michelle Challenges: “If the measuring cup was here, I wouldn’t have to guess.”
Me Challenges: “Not everything needs to be measured. You’re not building a watch.”
Michelle: “If it’s measured it’s right the first time.”
Me: “Maybe God wants to challenge you that way.”
Michelle: (With smile and chuckle) “Maybe.”
Depending on your personality, you find yourself leaning to one side or the other in our discussion. In reality it’s not right or wrong. In pieces of your life being more ORGANIZED really helps and is needed. In other areas of your life you need some FREE and flexing ability. I mean scripture does say “Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be broken.” (FYI< not actually scripture but good saying.)
SO…
DO YOU NEED A MEASURING CUP RIGHT NOW OR DO YOU NEED TO BE FREE AND RUN WITH GOD.
A moment like I’m in now leads me to think about these flow options with life. I’m in 42 days of chemo (complete tomorrow, thank God) and only 5 of 33 treatments left with radiation (done on 13th).
In one way I am measured. In Surgery, small chance I could have passed. Brain Cancer; let’s just say the stats are horrible (we will burn those stats thanks to God). Then clear treatment with a specific amount of days to take and do (measuring cup).
In a second way is freedom. I find focus in letting go (weird huh). It frees me to be direct (always for the good), kind, loving, and makes it easier to set priorities and strategy.
Whatever God wants to measure into my life, I will do everything I can to make sure it is meaningful and tastes good. ***
Challenge In Your Life:
What needs measured, changed, and organized? What needs to be unbound, unleashed, set free?
Don’t miss the answer… some of us need the measuring cup with nothing in balance. Others need to be free from the past, sin that binds you (guilt and shame that remain) and be Free. With all applied then live life out new…
Luke 6: 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
*** BTW, Michelle’s coffee was perfect even without a cup to measure the coffee AND the next time we traveled there, she still brought a measuring cup.
Tuesday Oct. 13th was my last radiation treatment (after 7.5 weeks) and I finished my chemo last week.
I now get a 4-week break that I have been looking forward to.
I will have an MRI early November and begin Chemo maintenance for what has been said would be a year.
Sunday I am preaching at www.1agbn.org and afterward will post a video version of this message.
The message speaks from my heart for this stage of my life and what God is speaking loudly into me and our future.
I will post a link to Facebook after Sunday AM.
I always believe God is speaking, sharing, nudging His possibilities into our hearts; and I never want to miss His nudges.
I hope you are joining His conversation.
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers in midst of mine.
For some reason this emotively feels like a new beginning again... weird I know. It's a tough beginning, but a redefining moment. Not just radiation or chemo, but a new process seeking health, transformation, a restart from the disease to whole again. It's a new or at least a deeper conversation with God for me. One where I learn to trust even more.
Sunday I was able to communicate to my church/congregation in person. With the next step being radiation and chemo Michelle and I wanted it to be personal.
In the beginning of my process with the mass in my mind I compared the moment to Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in scripture. This is a classic and well known story in the book of Daniel. These young men were thrown in a furnace to be persecuted and killed by the king of the day Nebuchednezzar. I compared this moment for them where they come out of the furnace alive beating all the odds in the situation. My hope is still the same... transformation in the middle of odds which should declare differently in someones life.
There are other stories we think of now. I remain not feeling as a victim or as if I'm being judged. It's a part of life that is messy, yet still in the hands of God regardless of the outcomes. I believe in standing and walking forward towards transformation. My family believes in working hard, receiving help from others, and continuing to love life even when parts of it are hard. At the end of my sharing on Sunday I challenged this way. For us to see life together, and whatever crisis or hardship you are facing... face it. See the details, talk with God, make choices which change and transform things. Let us face life not as victims, but as those woven in together for a greater future.
As you pray for us, know we are also praying for you.
God's speed
Day 2
I’m already being reminded of two steps or lessons toward steps in this process of my treatment (radiation day 2 and chemo day 1). In a little bit I will share the experience of Day 1, but first let me share one of those lessons today.
Reminder from Psalm 37:7
Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act.
Lesson: We don’t always leap (all though there are moments we are charged to), we are meant to be still in moments and allow God to act.
My radiation requires a mask I wear. It is an individualized mask formed and shaped to my head. Then it is latched to the table itself where I receive both a cat scan to review my mind and then radiation treatment to destroy the tumor of cancer which is spread out in fun pieces.
The mask is all about keeping me still. This is the point… by being still for the work of my team (I have the same team all 6.5 weeks). By remaining still the radiation can have more impact, be accurate, and be a part of transforming my mind back to it’s healthy state.
I had my team show me their strategy after the first session. The reason: I find myself very involved and just a bit more than curious with each step, it is my brain!
In the middle of all of those steps I find myself learning to “be still” again. Being still in the presence of the Lord is an art form in many ways, and like any moment of art when we don’t practice or participate we don’t learn or grow.
It’s also what we learn to be still in. The calling is to be still in God’s presence and learn patience. When you sense God in the process of your life you can make the assumption that action will take place right now. It is God right! Many times it is not yet action, but instead our chance to learn… patiently… intently. It is this process in which we learn to “trust God” over and over again.
So here is a path.
Be still… (stop arguing, complaining, and creating noise)
In God’s presence… (learn His presence, voice, and touch)
Wait patiently… (seriously, learn to wait and trust)
Let Him act. (some moments in life we act, step, create. Other moments we allow God to act, and we trust Him in the process)
Day 2 Part 2
Reminder, I will always be honest as we take these steps. Yes I am positive, trust God, and want to encourage all I can. This said, the process is not an easy one, and I don’t want to hold back.
In brief…
In truth, the radiation was harder than I expected it yesterday. It left me with a heaviness and weight in my mind afterwards.
During the treatment I could see the light coming through my eyes (as they were closed) and also had my nose generate smells during as well (not a good smell).
In reading online I had seen some treatments for people be reacted to with low response as if they didn’t feel anything. The placement and size of the area makes a difference clearly.
This all being said, I am glad treatment one is done and want to keep pressing in today.
Day 3
I don’t know I will do this every day, here is a moment of growth. Later on I will fill in details on how things are.
Today I am reminded about “what makes us rich?”
My process and disease has reminded me what is valuable. As much as I love being productive, helping others, and impacting the world, this is not what draws my attention most in this moment.
What I believe is my life most, is my wife Michelle and my kids first who draw me and show me I’m rich. There are secondary and third pieces as well which are other close family and moments who also define this richness, but the overall shift in how we see is defined by what we view as valuable and life changing.
Today is Michelle’s birthday. And I am encouraged and blessed to celebrate with her and say thank you for the women she is. This moment makes me consider a question.
Question: What is most valuable to you right now?
If married, how are you investing and speaking life and love into them…
If kids, how are you encouraging and strengthening them…
If close family (in whatever form), how are you being a help and igniting their life forward…
If close friends, how are you choosing to build up rather than expect something from them…
Challenge: As a young man I remember the challenge to consider looking for a spouse differently. Rather than hunt with a list (on my wife’s list was tall and dark haired which is hilarious, good thing she loves me), a list you have created from all the desires and wants for your spouse, instead turn you pointing finger for shopping back on yourself. Let me place it this way…
Rather than worrying about what your spouse will give to you (I want), focus or consider on what they will receive in you (read this line again, it’s worth it).
Whatever stage of life or haves and don’t haves exist for you, check your value today and reconsider how you focus. Remind yourself what is rich. My moment in life right now has caused me to do so, and I thank God for it.
Happy Birthday Michelle, let’s celebrate God’s richness!
Ten % : Week One / 4 Days Down
Well, I’m half way through my weekend already and it’s been a few days since I’ve posted. Since Tuesday, this is the completion of 4 days of radiation and chemo. As a friend of mine said, it is an equal mark of 10% toward the whole.
Treatment overall is 33 days of radiation (M-F each week) while taking chemo every day (including the weekend). So with 10% completed there is… a lot of days left (wipe brow here and take a deep breath).
Overall I am well. Details here and there we work through and this is a part of helping us in moving forward. We will be at church tomorrow, and will keep moving forward on Monday. I am looking for motivation and energy in the midst of this process for moving on certain projects and speaking. Having some of these takes my attention and empowers me along the way.
A part of what helped me today was extra time with my family. Jacob played his second football game this season and is playing both sides on his team. Amanda improved her time for cross-country by a minute and 12 seconds from her first meet placing her score around fifteen minute 50 second. Last year she got it down to 15.27. Then we all hung out to watch a movie together.
There are times / projects / and jobs in life that require looking well down the road for planning and training. There are other times in life we simply life a day at a time and survive the moment. If I can keep my focus on the daily then we can fight the overwhelmed. Then we needed we step back to look at the longer journey ahead. Consider which moment you are in… daily or long term right now? Then make an adjustment as I am trying to. God’s speed.
Week 2 / Monday
So week two begins… a lesson I have learned, while the chemo does impact me the combination with radiation makes a fun combo.
Today I had started to regain energy and strength and then it was time for radiation. When my techs asked how my weekend was, “It was great, because I didn’t have radiation.” I did say this with a grin, and they understood exactly what I meant.
Truth. I didn’t want to take the chemo today. I didn’t want radiation to happen. BUT, I reminded myself a hard period of time occurs now but a longer term of health is then possible.
I also had a reminder a few weeks ago from Thessalonians 3:10
[Even while we were with you, we gave you this command: “Those unwilling to work will not get to eat.”]
My reminded lesson: Work hard, play hard, move forward.
Treatment today was more discipline… a step to get another day done. Willingness was not found in what I wanted to do, it was found in following through with it. Couldn’t be much cheesier than the right thing at the right time for right reasons.
So whatever you have going on remember the T3:10 rule, don’t get trapped unwilling to do what you should. Even if your emotive state or inner workings want to run, if what you are meant to do is as cheesy as mine, take the step.
Week 2 / Thursday
I’m at 8 days of radiation – Done.
9 days of chemo – Done.
Week two has been somewhat better the first three days of it. I had more energy than week one, down moments for sure but also strength in how I feel with more up moments at times.
Then Thursday… the radiation builds throughout the week, and builds week to week. So I need prayer for recovery this weekend. And Prayer for the future weeks ahead as all of Thursday has been blah as far as my body goes and this week builds in treatment.
Others things build too… like a wave. I have found life to be this way. Our decisions (like a surfer) put us in place for a wave, helps us get on the shoulder (this is the curve of the wave), and we can ride it until the wave is done (where you pick up your board, throw you hair back, and look amazing). BUT as these pieces are our choice, it is God’s will and power which creates the wave we are riding. We can’t force wave creation (unlike your pool wave creation where you and friends jump up and down until waves are kicking out of the pool), we can only ride the waves when they come.
SO, I look at the radiation and chemo build with focus. I take it daily as best I can. And remember the point of this wave… destroy the cancer cells and give future to me. I’m on that shoulder and will ride it for all God builds it to be. God has this! God has me.
We make choices which create our life… Yes.
Waves are created by God which empower our choices by His leading… Yes.
So what choices do you need to make to prepare, be ready (training), and follow through? AND what choices/details do you need to give back to God, and let Him build the wave? Believe me, trying to create a wave in an ocean just makes us look foolish (and we get a sunburn).
God’s speed everyone!
Trust God and make choices which move you forward.
Week 3 / Wednesday
After today’s treatment I am 1/3 of the way through all 33 days of radiation. It’s important to celebrate when you can so… yah!
We continue to take things a day at a time, but focus on living life forward. As hard as this moment might be, life is not frozen (especially in the 90’s, whew), and there comes a point where new season has to come and we press in to life.
How can we do this? Here is one…
This was not a surprise for me, but something I’ve noted. When I get into conversation with others about things that are important (wife with kids, pastors about church, or a business professional about work), no matter how tired or bad I feel I find a boost toward health. Working with others toward common good, fixing problems, and empowering people… empowers me. This is one of the tools I’m finding for life, even in the midst of crisis and messiness we must choose to breath life into the people and the work around us.
In the messiness of your life, take time to enjoy your work and help others. Look to be a help to those personally around you. Gain insight and energy from helping family sort through problems. In the midst of this we find purpose, joy, and peace even when our lives have turmoil around it.
Don’t try and simply complete each day and check off all the things on your list of to do’s. Be blessed in the midst of your messes, and help others learn to do the same.
Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Romans 8:38-39 “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Mathew 28:20 “Teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
Week 3/ Saturday
Reality Check and Some Therapy.
Two important moments for me the past few days.
Reality check was having hair all along the side of my head where I'm having radiation treatment instantly (how it felt to me) start falling out.
I've been so fortunate regarding side effects between my chemo (which is a lower grade in pill form) and the radiation. The combo of the two have similar side effects. I've been strong through them, but still very impacted.
To wake up... and hair loss not only possible, but happening with force... was my reality check. Reality: this treatment is happening, this treatment is not kind, but I trust the process which is pulling life from me right now in the short term, as a trade for giving life in the long term. I'll come back to process in a moment, but for me it was emotional and became a conversation with God about trusting Him and needing strength from Him to walk it out. OH, and I needed a haircut as the radiation version was not a good one. So thanks to Joy Lunn for her help today with a haircut. Michelle Rumley was very grateful for the hair makeover. Ha. If you want to see results you can be at our church tomorrow for inspection... LOL.
Two last things to mention.
First is a thanks to God for great therapy this weekend. My daughter Amanda got her lowest cross country run this season, and my son Jacob did so well in football, Michelle and I both were so proud. Both these moments were great therapy for me. Now let me tie the two moments together and hopefully encourage.
My kids are learning the PROCESS of TRAINING in how sports and life work. I'll be honest... they are not flashy individuals (of course they have moments I think are flashy so I cheer). BUT they are consistent, focused (usually), and learning, improving, and becoming stronger each year.
Example: Jake has been one of the captains of his team for the past two weeks. This has occurred because of his heart, focus, and intention more than flash. As a 7th grader I wanted him to simply get a taste for the sport, and fundamentals of what it takes to play. I think it's breaking through this year and it gives Michelle and I both encouragement in a time when we need it.
I find God to be more PROCESS when we keep asking for MOMENTS or miracles (flash). God wants to TRAIN us (called discipleship) when we just want someone to fix the stuff around us we don't like. It would be like wanting to play in the NFL but never actually training to play well. Training takes time... and when you start anything, you stink at it. Over time this changes and we find endurance and hope in our actions.
Question for all of us (a reality check maybe).
What if you embraced training and prep / reading God's word / acting upon what it states to do / live it out and learn the processes of God? What if we looked to simply live life well, healthy, and be a help to others when possible... what might life look like? Remember, it's hard at first and you may stink at it. Just don't give up and make sure to keep moving forward.
Romans 5: 3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. (NLT)
Reality Check and Some Therapy.
Two important moments for me the past few days.
Reality check was having hair all along the side of my head where I'm having radiation treatment instantly (how it felt to me) start falling out.
I've been so fortunate regarding side effects between my chemo (which is a lower grade in pill form) and the radiation. The combo of the two have similar side effects. I've been strong through them, but still very impacted.
To wake up... and hair loss not only possible, but happening with force... was my reality check. Reality: this treatment is happening, this treatment is not kind, but I trust the process which is pulling life from me right now in the short term, as a trade for giving life in the long term. I'll come back to process in a moment, but for me it was emotional and became a conversation with God about trusting Him and needing strength from Him to walk it out. OH, and I needed a haircut as the radiation version was not a good one. So thanks to Joy Lunn for her help today with a haircut. Michelle Rumley was very grateful for the hair makeover. Ha. If you want to see results you can be at our church tomorrow for inspection... LOL.
Two last things to mention.
First is a thanks to God for great therapy this weekend. My daughter Amanda got her lowest cross country run this season, and my son Jacob did so well in football, Michelle and I both were so proud. Both these moments were great therapy for me. Now let me tie the two moments together and hopefully encourage.
My kids are learning the PROCESS of TRAINING in how sports and life work. I'll be honest... they are not flashy individuals (of course they have moments I think are flashy so I cheer). BUT they are consistent, focused (usually), and learning, improving, and becoming stronger each year.
Example: Jake has been one of the captains of his team for the past two weeks. This has occurred because of his heart, focus, and intention more than flash. As a 7th grader I wanted him to simply get a taste for the sport, and fundamentals of what it takes to play. I think it's breaking through this year and it gives Michelle and I both encouragement in a time when we need it.
I find God to be more PROCESS when we keep asking for MOMENTS or miracles (flash). God wants to TRAIN us (called discipleship) when we just want someone to fix the stuff around us we don't like. It would be like wanting to play in the NFL but never actually training to play well. Training takes time... and when you start anything, you stink at it. Over time this changes and we find endurance and hope in our actions.
Question for all of us (a reality check maybe).
What if you embraced training and prep / reading God's word / acting upon what it states to do / live it out and learn the processes of God? What if we looked to simply live life well, healthy, and be a help to others when possible... what might life look like? Remember, it's hard at first and you may stink at it. Just don't give up and make sure to keep moving forward.
Romans 5: 3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. (NLT)
Week 4 / Wednesday
What we declare matters.
I want to be clear on this statement. I am typically wired more positive, but as a realist. I am able to dream, embrace dreams, but also speak truth into those moments. My heart is always to speak truth in such a way that the dream becomes more possible, even in some small way.
This is a moment of declaration. What we speak into a moment, whether our self or someone else, is a part of what helps us create our future. This being said it’s important for us to not make this process foolish. We are built to hold on to and help create HOPE in the health of our lives; BUT we also TRUST God regardless of outcomes.
Far to often we base trust or truth of God on outcomes or “getting what we want”. Where in scripture do we see this truth? All but one of the disciples are martyred, Job (that story is crazy and enough said), Joseph almost killed (by family) and spends time in a foreign prison (did not have room service), and many more stories where what they experience does not always make sense in the moment. When we look at the whole story honestly we learn the lesson they did (hopefully), we learn to trust regardless of outcome. We hold on to Him regardless because we believe by faith. Like Shadrach and his friends staring at the furnace meant to kill them, they hold on to God regardless of what is to come.
All this declaration conversation and challenge is a lead in to describe my families moment now. We are learning this moment of declaring and finding faith again. My journey through treatment (so far 15 days of radiation done, and 18 days of chemo) is a bit of a roller coaster. There are times I have more energy and feel better than I should (Sunday AM this happened to me) that I know is simply God. There are other moments the weight and feel of all of it sets in (that’s a fun moment). But in all of it I hope to remain in the WISDOM of the stories I mentioned above.
We don’t always understand God or the process, but we trust and declare by faith all the more. We don’t always have the results we might want, but we trust and declare by faith all the more. We keep our belief genuine and even continue the HONEST conversation with God and others, while we trust and declare by faith all the more.
First a question, and then a declaration.
Question: Are you so consumed by outcomes that you might have or are walking away from God? Has collision with life made you a victim, rather than shaking it off and learning to overcome (power not in you, but in partnering with God regardless of outcomes)? Take a step and declare by faith the FUTURE God will lead you to and walk you through.
Declaration: Trust and Declare with Faith.
Psalms 23:
1The lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid?
The lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?
2When evil people come to devour me,
when my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
3Though a mighty army surrounds me,
my heart will not be afraid.
Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident.
Week 4 and 5/ overwhelmed and inspired
When are you overwhelmed? What happens to bring you to a place so bad you post omg many times on twitter and texts?
We (the Rumley’s) found one of those locations or times that deserves the “oh my gosh” declaration.
Here’s how. We already have my current normal treatment trend for the brain cancer. My radiation component requires three hours of each day. I promise, it’s fun.
We also had an unusual day this week. Michelle traveled up to Wisconsin to be with her family during a sentencing trial for the woman who murdered Michelle’s brother. No really, just over a year ago her brother was murdered in a crazy situation. So far for the week: radiation and chemo treatment, trial for murder.
Sunday of this week our family cat, Gato (yes, Spanish word for cat, Gato… we are intercultural for sure) got sick. We assumed he would eventually get past it even though he kept puking. Wednesday we took him to an amazing veterinarian. Even after great care, Gato passed away Thursday night of last week. Yep, it happened. So with my wife in Wisconsin and I’m in Chicago that day, I’m face timing my kids to talk through the loss of Gato. A moment to learn to be honest with emotion, open to discussion, and always talk with God in a time of loss. Check List so far for the week: radiation and chemo treatment, trial for murder, family cat’s passing, talking with the kids.
Next (Yep, one more) our dog Biscuit had an incident. Let outside to go to the bathroom as normal on Wednesday night (Michelle was leaving 4 AM the next morning). When let back in there was a boom… “oh my word, what is that?!” Biscuit had been sprayed twice by a skunk. No lie. SKUNK. Michelle and Hannah the only ones home with other two at youth group and me in Chicago. She calls me. I look up on google and we find a concoction of baking soda, and two other ingredients I can’t remember. I find out tomato sauce does not work, but this concoction does. Michelle makes the concoction and her and Hannah wash the dog multiple times. FYI, I find out not to keep any concoction that’s left over when done. Left alone the concoction becomes explosive (#boom). So far for the week: radiation and chemo treatment, trial for murder, family cat’s passing, talking with the family about loss, dog that smells like the skunk (not a good smell we promise).
A week we can call overwhelmed. #OMG
But another OMG is worth being said.
The day I had to tell my kids about the loss I had a moment of fretful tears. I was saying to God, “In the middle of everything going on we would add this… really!” Then my kids responded in amazing way to the loss of Gato. It was amazing watching strength and grace in them. On Saturday night we had a small funeral at Pam Onneals Farm, a hard moment, but closure for our kids. #Grace #AmazingKids #helpingFriends
When someone has done wrong against your family, what do you do? My wife’s family responded so Godly in an incredibly hard moment many were amazed. They received compliments even from the judge on how their response in the courtroom (they spoke at one point) showed they were genuinely Christian not just word of mouth. And I have always seen this in them as a family. #Grace #Genuine #LovetheSoellers
And our dog… Don’t worry, he has short term memory. I don’t think he even remembers the smelling event. And he has been washed so many times, he’s never smelled so good. #cleanpuppy #skunksStink
Lastly. My chemo and radiation is still in process. This post is from last week, but I am currently in Week 5 of everyday chemo and M-F radiation. Truth – I still have moments where I have more energy than I should. Even one of my nurses said today, “I have no reason for you to have the amount of energy you have.” The only reason I have is the GRACE of God. Now I still have hard moments, low moments like swelling of skin outside my head, and a shaved haircut for 7 months, and constipation because of certain medication (whoah, just got serious). While I have no endurance at the moment, I thank God for how good I feel.
Let’s quickly apply to all of us.
There will be moments when life is overwhelming (#OMG).
But remember it’s generally temporary (maybe even years, but no forever). Keep your heart, mind, and spirit moving forward and respond with #Grace given by God. If a skunk is involved, many baths required (#NoMoreStink). If you’re in crisis; hold on to God, think of your future, take it a day/moment at a time. You will have dark moments (normal), but live from the hope and possibility ahead (#believe). Live wanting every day to be healthy, no more victim status my friends. (said from a guy with brain cancer, don’t worry you can become positive too).
Week 7 / Measured
One evening in Chicago, we are staying at a location gifted to us by an amazing church (Maranatha Chapel, Pastor Doug Banks), and Michelle has an interesting moment (insert intentional grin here).
Michelle by nature, personality, training, and background is a MEASURED person. Seriously, don’t underestimate it, she has made our family ready and organized in amazing ways.
She goes through her nightly routine of setting up her coffee pot for the next morning (very important moment of routine is morning coffee). The only problem, catch your breath; there is no measuring cup. YES, seriously, nothing to measure the coffee. Some of you understand right now; you too would be frustrated, astonished, maybe even complain! But instead of hearing a voice that is compassionate and understanding, she gets the other personality of our amazing marriage, ME.
I have very organized parts of my life, but also have a clear FREE FLOW side. The following conversation occurs…
Me: “Babe, simply get it close. Put what looks like the right amount in. AND if it’s not good in the morning, then make adjustments until you feel its perfect.”
Michelle Challenges: “If the measuring cup was here, I wouldn’t have to guess.”
Me Challenges: “Not everything needs to be measured. You’re not building a watch.”
Michelle: “If it’s measured it’s right the first time.”
Me: “Maybe God wants to challenge you that way.”
Michelle: (With smile and chuckle) “Maybe.”
Depending on your personality, you find yourself leaning to one side or the other in our discussion. In reality it’s not right or wrong. In pieces of your life being more ORGANIZED really helps and is needed. In other areas of your life you need some FREE and flexing ability. I mean scripture does say “Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be broken.” (FYI< not actually scripture but good saying.)
SO…
DO YOU NEED A MEASURING CUP RIGHT NOW OR DO YOU NEED TO BE FREE AND RUN WITH GOD.
A moment like I’m in now leads me to think about these flow options with life. I’m in 42 days of chemo (complete tomorrow, thank God) and only 5 of 33 treatments left with radiation (done on 13th).
In one way I am measured. In Surgery, small chance I could have passed. Brain Cancer; let’s just say the stats are horrible (we will burn those stats thanks to God). Then clear treatment with a specific amount of days to take and do (measuring cup).
In a second way is freedom. I find focus in letting go (weird huh). It frees me to be direct (always for the good), kind, loving, and makes it easier to set priorities and strategy.
Whatever God wants to measure into my life, I will do everything I can to make sure it is meaningful and tastes good. ***
Challenge In Your Life:
What needs measured, changed, and organized? What needs to be unbound, unleashed, set free?
Don’t miss the answer… some of us need the measuring cup with nothing in balance. Others need to be free from the past, sin that binds you (guilt and shame that remain) and be Free. With all applied then live life out new…
Luke 6: 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
*** BTW, Michelle’s coffee was perfect even without a cup to measure the coffee AND the next time we traveled there, she still brought a measuring cup.
Tuesday Oct. 13th was my last radiation treatment (after 7.5 weeks) and I finished my chemo last week.
I now get a 4-week break that I have been looking forward to.
I will have an MRI early November and begin Chemo maintenance for what has been said would be a year.
Sunday I am preaching at www.1agbn.org and afterward will post a video version of this message.
The message speaks from my heart for this stage of my life and what God is speaking loudly into me and our future.
I will post a link to Facebook after Sunday AM.
I always believe God is speaking, sharing, nudging His possibilities into our hearts; and I never want to miss His nudges.
I hope you are joining His conversation.
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers in midst of mine.
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